Your safety, both emotional and physical, is the most important thing. Staying in a relationship that makes you feel scared, controlled, or unsafe can take a serious toll on your well-being. A safety plan is a personalized, practical tool that can help you protect yourself, whether you are planning to leave, in the process of leaving, or have already left. It is a set of actions you can take to increase your safety and prepare for potentially dangerous situations. Creating this plan is an act of empowerment. We’ve got you covered with a step-by-step guide to help you build a safety plan that fits your unique circumstances.

What Is a Safety Plan and Why Do You Need One?

A safety plan is a collection of strategies designed to help you navigate a difficult or dangerous relationship. It's not just about leaving; it’s about reducing risk and increasing your safety in various situations. You might need a plan for how to de-escalate an argument, how to leave your home safely in an emergency, or how to protect yourself after the relationship has ended. This plan is tailored specifically to you, considering your daily routine, your partner's behavior, and the resources you have available. It puts you back in control by preparing you to respond effectively, rather than just reacting in a moment of crisis.

Key Components of a Comprehensive Safety Plan

A strong safety plan covers multiple aspects of your life. It should be a living document that you can adjust as your situation changes. Think of it as your personal roadmap to greater security. Here are the essential elements to include.

1. Safety During a Volatile Situation at Home

Arguments can escalate quickly in an unhealthy relationship. Having a plan for these moments is crucial. The goal is to minimize risk and create space for you to get to a safer place.

  • Identify Safe Areas: Think about your home layout. Identify rooms with easy access to an exit and avoid rooms without an escape route, like bathrooms or basements. Try to stay out of the kitchen, where there are potential weapons.
  • Create a Code Word: Establish a code word or phrase with a trusted friend, family member, or neighbor. This is a signal that you are in danger and need them to call for help without you having to say it directly.
  • Practice Your Escape Route: Know the quickest and safest way out of your home. This might be a back door, a window, or a garage exit. Rehearse it in your mind so it becomes second nature.

2. Preparing to Leave the Relationship

Leaving a bad relationship often requires careful planning, especially if you live with your partner or share finances. This part of the plan focuses on gathering what you need to leave safely and successfully.

  • Pack an Emergency Bag: Prepare a bag with essential items and keep it in a safe, hidden place. You could leave it at a friend's house, at work, or in the trunk of your car. This bag should include:
    • Important documents: Copies of your driver's license, birth certificate, social security card, passports, and any immigration papers.
    • Financial resources: Cash, spare credit cards, and copies of bank statements.
    • Medications: Any prescription medications for you or your children.
    • Keys: A spare set of car and house keys.
    • A change of clothes and basic toiletries.
    • A cheap, pre-paid cell phone (a "burner" phone) that your partner doesn't know about.
  • Secure Important Documents: Your partner may try to control you by hiding or destroying important papers. Make copies of all essential documents and store them outside of your home. You can take pictures of them on your phone and email them to a trusted friend or to a new, secret email account.

3. Safety After You Have Left

Your safety remains a priority even after you have left the relationship. An abuser may try to find you, contact you, or continue their controlling behavior.

  • Change Your Routines: Alter your daily schedule. Take a different route to work, shop at a different grocery store, and change the times you leave and return home. This makes it harder for your ex-partner to predict your movements.
  • Enhance Your Home Security: Change the locks on your doors and windows. Consider installing a security system or extra lighting outside your home. Inform your neighbors that your partner no longer lives with you and ask them to call the police if they see them near your property.
  • Secure Your Digital Life: Change all your passwords for email, social media, and bank accounts. Review your privacy settings on all social media platforms and block your ex-partner. Be mindful of what you post online, as it can reveal your location.

4. Protecting Yourself at Work and in Public

Your workplace and public spaces can be vulnerable points. It’s important to extend your safety plan to these areas as well.

  • Inform Your Employer: Consider telling a trusted supervisor or HR representative about your situation. They can help screen calls or prevent your ex-partner from entering the workplace. Provide them with a photo of your ex-partner if you feel comfortable doing so.
  • Have a Safe Escort: Ask a coworker to walk you to your car or public transportation after work. Always be aware of your surroundings when you are out in public. Park in well-lit areas and have your keys ready as you approach your car or home.

5. Emotional Safety and Support

A safety plan isn't just about physical protection; it's also about your emotional well-being. Healing from a difficult relationship takes time and support.

  • Build Your Support Network: Identify friends, family members, or professionals you can talk to. Keep their contact information readily available. Support groups for survivors of domestic violence can also be incredibly helpful, connecting you with others who have similar experiences.
  • Plan for Self-Care: The stress of this situation is immense. Intentionally plan activities that help you relax and feel good. This could be anything from exercise and meditation to spending time in nature or pursuing a hobby. Prioritizing your mental health is a key part of your safety plan.

You Are Not Alone

Please know that help is available. You can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline or other local resources for confidential support and help in creating a more detailed safety plan.